


Never Again

by meltmewithmatches



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel), the arcana
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drama, Fluff, Other, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22324489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltmewithmatches/pseuds/meltmewithmatches
Summary: Before the apprentice had lost their memories, they were in a relationship that was better off forgotten. When their ex-lover returns and is determined to win them back, they fight to stay with the one they love, Julian Devorak.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Gender Neutral Reader, Julian Devorak/Original Character, Julian Devorak/Reader, Julian Devorak/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 109





	Never Again

I didn't remember him, how could I? When I died, my memories were lost to the past. I thought I had no hope of them returning, but slowly over time familiarity brought them, some of them. Then he passed by me in the market. Did I know him? Should I say something? No, it looks like he's looking for something. Why do I know him..?

Something was wrong.  
  
My heart sank, anxiety bubbling beneath my skin for a reason I could not understand. Something about him welled up the desire to run. To hide. I was terrified, frozen. Why? Who is he?! What is he to me?

He stopped at the bakers stand, the stand I just left. I stayed out of sight, not daring myself to look, but to listen. Then he spoke, asking for a basket of pumpkin bread to pick up tomorrow. My head began to spin as nausea hit me like a tidal wave, nearly knocking me off my feet. That voice. I knew it. Too well. That damned voice. Flashes of images ravaged my mind, too fast for me to piece together yet their impact stirred bees in my chest.

I remember that voice, I remember how it would scream, apologize, seduce, then repeat the cycle. It was toxic. Bits and pieces flooded back to me. An entire relationship I didn't know I had. A relationship filled with false love, pain and tears.  
Tears. When did my face become so wet? When did I start crying?

He turned my way and I panicked, not thinking twice before taking off, sprinting home as though my life depended on it. I don't think he saw me. I prayed he didn’t.  
  
I rushed inside the house. My chest heaved with shaking breaths as I struggled to calm. The anxiety surged through my body, combined with the lack of oxygen it formed black dots in my vision. My back pressed to the door as I slid down to the floor, finally safe now that I was home. I never want to see that man again. I thought I never would. A flash of memories recalled Asra, he went to speak to him, then the man was gone. At least he should have been. The memory fractured in my mind, too disjointed to bring together.

I steadied my breathing. I was safe now. Alone for the time being as I recalled Julian should be at the clinic. Should I tell him? No, I don't want the sympathy. I don't want him to think I'm mad or weak for staying in a relationship like that.

I started upstairs and to the kitchen - which also served as our dining area. My anxiety only calmed by a little. My face was still wet, I looked messy. I felt a mess. I needed a bath, a long and relaxing bath.  
  
Just my luck. Voices snapped me out of my forming mission as I climbed the stairs to the kitchen.  
  
Apparently Asra is visiting from the palace, sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea. Julian was practicing a monologue, I had it memorized at this point, his next play was coming up. As soon as I walked in, it was too late to escape. Julian didn’t notice my expression at first and beamed at me with his welcoming smile, "My love! Home so soon? Did you get everything you set out for-..." He started, then once he saw me move away and wipe my face, he stopped. I shuffled over to the cabinets to get that water I craved; it only took him a few strides to be by my side. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" The worry that settled over him was obvious, I looked up at him and offered the best smile I could, kissing his cheek. I really wish I could have come home and had the time to process this alone before I saw him.  
  
"Don't worry, Julian." I told him in a gentle tone. I glanced over and noticed Asra up and on the other side of the counter, another worried expression. I sighed a bit.  
  
"Darling..." Julian trailed, running a gentle hand through my hair, the touch was relaxing. I returned my gaze to him. "I'm going to worry if you don't tell me. Are you hurt?"  
  
"Not anymore." I replied. I was loved now, my well being cared about. That man was a piece of my past I would never return to. I couldn't help but let a small smile curve my lips.  
  
"I know that look." Asra started. "Did you remember something?" He asked me, I could tell he was scanning his mind for anything that would give me that reaction and it clicked in him, but before he could speak.  
  
"Do you have a headache?" Julian asked, knowing the memories brought them. I nodded.  
  
"Ah-Yes, that's why I was crying. Just a headache." Minor lie. They saw right through it. “A really bad headache..” I added for good measure. Not good enough.  
  
"Just a ‘really bad headache’ shouldn't give you that expression." He said, cupping my cheek and wiping under my eye with his thumb. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second.  
  
"Did you see someone?" Asra asked, he must have known. "Did you remember him? I can take the memory away-" I cut him off with a hiss of his name. He stopped immediately and averted his gaze. That was enough to tell him he was right. Damn it. I looked from him to Julian.  
  
"Who? What memory? What am I missing here?" Julian asked me. I couldn't answer that right now, the thoughts in my head were scrambled.  
  
"Julian I-" I sighed and pulled out of his touch to drink the water I earlier poured myself. "I saw someone I used to know, before I had died. It's nothing to worry about. Just a memory." I told him, reaching out to take his hand. He knew there was so much more, but like the angel he is, he understood and decided not to press the issue right now. He knew I needed my own time to process this first.  
  
"Well... is your headache any better? Did you run here, is that why you were out of breath? Why don't you lay down." His concern for me was always heartwarming. Julian calmly gestured to guide me to the table.  
  
"I'm fine." I told him, although I was probably going to go take a break anyway.  
  
"I've known you long and well enough, to know you're not." He said, and he wasn't wrong. Before I could sigh, I was  
suddenly pulled into a hug. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I was burying myself into his chest, finding warmth and affection in his arms. I had to fight myself from crying again, forcing tears back. Suddenly he shifted and I was lifted.  
  
"Julian?" I questioned in surprise, looking over his face. He was giving me his signature grin.  
  
"I'm bringing you to bed."  
  
"What about Asra??" I remembered our quiet guest. Julian was already walking out with me.  
  
"I was going to head out anyway, I just came to drop this off." He offered a complicated smile and pulled a letter out, Julian stopped and turned, I picked the letter from Asra’s hand. "I'll visit soon." He said and started to leave.  
  
"Bye Asra!" I called after. Knowing him, he was probably planning anything to get rid of that man again.  
  
"Thank you!” Julian called after as we heard the front door close. I looked back to Julian. "Where was I? Oh right. Taking you to bed then making you dinner." He grinned and brought us into our room.  
  
"Ooh, dinner too? Spoiling me?" I grinned.  
  
"Anything for you." He pressed a kiss to my forehead as he laid me on the bed. "Now stay." He said against my skin before pulling back. I sat up almost immediately.  
  
"Hmm, you may have to pin me." I grinned, a memory from Mazelinka's came over us both.  
  
"Don't tempt me." He replied with a grin, a light blush dusting his cheeks, then the concern flashed back. "You've had a long afternoon..." He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Relax and let me treat you... please, love?" He asked with too sweet of an expression to deny.  
  
"Okay, okay. I will. Thank you." I couldn't help a smile, just feeling so loved and cared for. He truly was the most amazing partner. He smiled and kept his lips at my knuckles, he looked like he wanted to say something. "Speak." I said.  
  
"I-I just... I love you so much. You know that? I won't ever judge you, not for anything. I swear to you." He said in sincerity, his way of letting me know I could trust him to talk to him about this. I gripped his hand and pulled him down to kiss him. It was a short but loving kiss.  
  
"I know, and I love you too, Ilya. I'll tell you later, I just need to process everything right now." I almost whispered. I needed to be honest with him and was reassured he wouldn't judge me. I shouldn't have needed that in the first place. He nodded and gave me another quick kiss before pulling away. A small smile on his lips.  
  
"I'll be back with dinner." He said and walked out. Once he was gone, I sighed and buried my head in my knees... but I was happy. Happy I had Julian, my best friend and true love of my life, and Asra. He was always family to me, protective like an older brother. It didn't change the strain on my heart though, it was just too much in that short span. It was years ago but almost feels like it just happened now that I remember. Why was he here? What was he doing? Why do I even care?! I just never want to see him again.  
  
I had time to cool down, I could smell Julian making my favourite meal. That put a smile on my face and rumble in my stomach. The shock had slowly faded, I still felt the hurt, but it was mixed with other things, better things. I didn't know if I'd end up crying again, my eyes were rather irritated.  
  
"Dinner is ready and served!" Julian walked in with two trays of food. I smiled and brought my legs in, sitting criss-cross. He set a tray in front of me and another next to it before crawling into bed beside me.  
  
"You really are the best." My smile broadened, oh it smelled so delicious. "Mmm, you're too good for me." I brought the food to my mouth and melted at the taste.  
  
"Just good enough." He replied and ate his own. I liked hearing that, at least it wasn't a rant of how he could never be good enough. It made me happy to know he had the confidence in himself. "Have I told you how much I love you?" He questioned. I pretended to ponder.  
  
"Hmm, yes, a few times today in fact." I answered.  
  
"Not enough I see. I'll just have to let you know again." A grin widened on his face as he went into dramatics about the love he had for me. No matter what that always made me smile, and he knew it. The food was so good I nearly had it finished by the time he was done.  
  
"I love you too, Ilya, more than the moon and stars." I started, then averted my gaze. "And I should be open and honest with you."  
  
"Don't force it, if you need time, I understand." He told me. I took his hand and kissed the back of it. What did I ever do to deserve him?  
  
"You've given me time, the shock has already worn off. I won't lie to you, the memories hurt. They're giving me anxiety I haven't felt in so long... but you are helping so much." I told him, he couldn't help some of my feelings, but he could help me and keep me sane. He smiled.  
  
"Let's finish dinner first." He kissed my forehead. I nodded in agreement and silently finished it, wondering how to explain this to him. He stacked the empty trays and set them on the nightstand to take down later. I turned to him, looking up at him, taking his hand again.  
  
"This is going to upset you... and I don't want you to be angry with anyone. This happened a long time ago." I started with; he was intensively listening. I loved that he listened. "Julian I-... years before I lost my memories, before you, I was in another relationship. It wasn't a good one. It was..." I couldn't say the word. "It just wasn't a good one. I thought I loved him, almost unconditionally even..." I glanced down to a couple scars on my arm. Ones that couldn't be erased even with a new body. Offensive wounds that I knew weren't accidental or self-inflicted. They always gave me a sinking feeling but I paid it no mind. Julian looked over them once, we agreed that maybe I just got too rowdy one night... but now I remembered. I remembered the sting of pain, the fear. "I saw him today at the market... and every-every..." My words were choked up. A tear drop fell from my face over the scar. "Every terrible memory from it came over me so quickly I-I panicked." I looked back up at him. He ran a thumb over the scar and looked at me. His eyes widened, looking pained to see me like that. I could tell he understood what I had told him, vague as it was. He pulled me in again.  
  
"No one, no one will ever hurt you again." He promised me. I believed him and shook my head.  
  
"No, because if I don't kick their ass... you will." I jested lightly, a sob following. His arms tightened around me.  
  
"Damn right I will." He smiled as he nuzzled my hair, comforting me. It absolutely worked but I wasn't done crying. I sat there in his arms for who knows how long, just letting it all out. It was a lot, but he stayed there with me the whole time. I eventually fell asleep there, in his arms. The most comfortable and safe place I can imagine.  
  
-  
  
The world was dark. Black clouds surrounding me, I could hear Julian's voice, but it was muffled, echoing all around me. I yelled out for him, only to hear the aching silent response. A terrifying silence. Two hands pulled me towards an unknown figure. One hand on my waist, the other on my shoulder. A dance. I was almost relieved until I realized these weren't Julian's arms, this wasn't his hold.

My eyes strained against the darkness as I struggled against the culprit.  
“Don't resist..." His grip became painfully tight. That voice... it was him. Why was he here? Why was he holding me?! Every tug he gripped tighter, forcing me to dance.

Julian's voice fading away. I stopped resisting and followed his steps when I was sure he'd break me if I struggled more. The music grew louder and louder. Suddenly the smoke cleared and we were in the main hall of the palace, center floor. Everyone watching us. Disappointed and stunned expressions on every face.  
  
A voice called out my name, sending a wave of fear and panic to my heart. The music stopped and so did the man. I looked to the voice. Julian. He stood on the floor. The look on his face of betrayal and heartbreak as he stared in shock. It was painful. Too painful.  
  
"Julian, wait!" I struggled again, wrenching myself from the grip. I ran towards him. But much like the smoke from the room, he vanished. Everyone did. I was isolated as the walls turned grayscale. My heart began to pound as the room became smaller and smaller. I couldn’t escape. Not until it was crushing me, suffocating me.  
  
-  
  
I woke in a cold sweat, a strangled gasp pouring past my lips. My heart drummed as I grounded myself. I was back in bed, Julian soundly asleep, still holding me. I was safe. I managed to catch breath, yet the dream rose panic in me.

It was so dark it must have been the dead of night. I carefully got out of Julian's arms and quietly made my way to the kitchen for water. I was parched, and I didn't plan on sleeping again tonight.  
  
After downing my second cup, a groggy Julian walked in. "There you are." He mumbled and yawned. "Why're you up?" He lazily asked as he sat at the counter. I shrugged.  
  
"Woke up, got thirsty." I answered him and set the cup down. Julian pulled me close to him and he squinted, trying to see clearer as his eyes woke up with him.  
  
"Hmm… you look pale, love." He said as a cool hand touched my forehead. "Feeling alright?" He asked, assessing that I had a normal temperature. I nodded.  
  
"Just a bad dream, don't remember much." I lied with a shrug. So much for honesty, although something like that he REALLY didn't need to worry about. He pulled me in for a warm hug.  
  
"'S okay. You're awake now. 'M here to chase the bad dreams and feelings away." His grin was so lazy, he couldn't even fully dramatize. It brought a smile to my face.  
  
"Let's get back to bed, you're exhausted." I didn't even have to ask; he knew he was. He stood and I smirked, quickly maneuvering to pick him up like he did me earlier. "My turn." I kissed his forehead. Even though it was dark I could tell the man was blushing. It brought a brief boost of confidence as I carried him to our room. There were no arguments from him, although it was more difficult with the size difference. He was so long I had to sidle through the doorways. I got back in bed after setting him in and snuggled up under the covers.  
  
"Sure you're alright?" He asked me, concern still in his voice. I leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.  
  
"Like you said, you fought it away." I smiled, brushing my fingers over his cheek. He grinned and closed his eyes.  
  
"You know, I hear kisses are good for dreams."  
  
"Yeah, where'd you hear that?"  
  
"Can't reveal all my secrets." He said as he leaned in and caught my lips in a sweet kiss. I smiled in it. His mouth moved all over my face and down to my neck before nuzzling there. "G'night." He sighed happy before sleep overtook him. I kissed his head and whispered sweet dreams back to him. I don't remember if I fell back asleep. If I did, it was dreamless.  
  
-  
  
The next day was normal so far, and that's exactly how I liked it. Julian was up first as usual, greeting dawn with a cup of black coffee. I'd gotten used to waking up at this time, usually just to fall asleep soon after. I always liked to enjoy this time though, before he'd have to leave for work. I'd sit at the table, drinking my favourite tea, he'd sit across or stand leaning against the windowsill like today. The sun slowly rose, kissing his face with golden rays. I could be jealous if she didn't shine such a stunning light on him. He glanced my way before looking back out the window, growing a large handsome grin.  
  
"I don't know what they mean when they say it's rude to stare’, it's quite, ah, flattering. If I do say so myself." He winked at me. I felt my ears burn a bit in embarrassment.  
  
"If it's flattery then why do you always avert your gaze from me? Don't you want to flatter me?" I did what I knew best, turned it back on him. He flushed and looked to me, averted his gaze, caught himself and looked back at me only to see a smirk on my features. His blush grew.  
  
"I-uh, erm. That's not it! I-" I cut him off with a laugh.  
  
"Calm down Julian, I'm just teasing."  
  
"So early? Cruel."  
  
"Hmm, should I continue?" My voice laced with suggestion.  
  
"If only we had the time, dear. We won't get very far."  
  
"I know, I know." I sighed. He had to return to the clinic soon, he had a job as Vesuvia's greatest physician. He stepped over to me, setting his cup on the table, leaning down.  
  
"If you wouldn't mind- I'm not telling you what to do but... if you could maybe take the day off? Stay here today?" He asked. I saw the look in his eyes, he was still concerned from yesterday. I couldn`t blame him. However, I had planned on staying home anyway, so I nodded.  
  
"Can't promise a day off though." I told him; the shop was more popular than before. I had plenty of work between readings, commissions, etc. He seemed to accept that though and nodded, leaning in to kiss me. Soft lips touched mine as I closed my eyes, bringing my hands to his broad shoulders. It lasted as if he didn't want to leave, more so than usual.  
  
"I'll miss you." He murmured near my lips.  
  
"You'll be next door."  
  
"So far away..." He lamented. I couldn't help a giggle.  
  
"I'll bring you lunch." I replied, he pulled back with a smile.  
  
"I look forward to it." He said. "Good luck with your..."  
  
"Hocus Pocus?" I asked with a raised brow.  
  
"I-um... yes, that. Well, no, your magic, readings, whatever you're doing today." He tried to fix with a grin, he was getting used to the idea of magic. I'd explained it to him as scientifically as I possibly could, and he attempted to understand, but still prefers to stick to what he knows. Which is absolutely fine, because he accepts my magic and the world of it. He even practices it when he's in an adventurous mood, makes me so proud. I smiled at him as he moved to deposit his cup in the sink.  
  
"I'll miss you too." I said after a second.  
  
"I love you, darling." He said, I got up to hug him. A tip-toed kiss was added to that.  
  
"Love you too." I mumbled against his lips. The kiss deepened as he leaned down into it, arms wrapping around my waist. We soon had to pull away from each other with disappointed sighs. "See you later." I gave his nose a peck, earning a slight grin in return.  
  
"Until then." He said before he departed. I sighed and bit my cheek, missing him a little more already. I decided to just get a head start on the day rather than going back to sleep.  
  
-  
  
There were a lot of walk-ins to start off the day after opening, then it slowed down dramatically. It had been well over an hour without a single customer. I grinned a bit, might as well start lunch for my beloved doctor.  
  
Then there was a knock on the door, right before I was ready to close. Damn. "We're open!" I called. A few seconds passed as I waited for the door to open, yet no answer. I walked over and opened the door. Nobody. How strange.

A familiar scent of warm pumpkin bread made my mouth water. I looked down to see a basket, filled with loaves of pumpkin bread. My excitement got the best of me as I picked it up and brought it inside. I set it on the counter and inspected it, definitely from my favourite baker. Was it from him? Or maybe Julian left it as a present! There was a letter on it, did he bring this for us? My excitement grew as well as my appetite. I smiled at the the letter, yet as I read through, it immediately disappeared.  
  
"Dearest,  
  
It's been so long; I've missed you every day that I was gone. You were always on my mind. I owe you so many words that I couldn't fit in this letter. I could never forget your favourite treat, please enjoy it. I'd love to see you again.  
  
Signed, Addan."  
  
That was his name. Addan. I didn't remember it until now. Then it hit me, he asked the baker for this yesterday, I had forgot in my shock. I felt the letter crumble to ash in my hands before I even realized I was doing it. I watched the gray snow fall to the floor. Great. A mess. My happiness turned to frustration as I looked back at the basket.  
  
I mean... it'd be a shame to put all that delicious bread to waste, knowing Salasi likely worked hard on. If only Faust were here, she could smell poison... but I also know a quick spell, I cast it and there was nothing unusual in or on the bread. I couldn’t feel any strange pulls of magic either. Just normal pumpkin bread.  
I didn't plan on meeting with him but there was no question I was going to stress eat this bread. I took a bite and nothing changed, so it’s definitely safe. I'm going to take these as a gift from the baker and try to keep my mind off Addan.

It was hard, knowing his name, I could feel the memories ebbing back into my mind. He'd always get me this with my favourite flowers every apology. Every time he'd break me in a new way… I need to stop thinking about it. I almost considered having Asra erase it... but I don't want to lose my past, I just got another piece of it back. Despite being unpleasant… It was a part of me.

After cleaning the mess, I brought the bread up to the kitchen. Then began to make lunch for Julian, keeping an ear out for the doorbell. No one came thankfully. I remembered the letter Asra gave us, we'd completely forgotten to open it last night. I grabbed it before I locked up and put up a sign saying I'd return soon. I started over to the clinic.  
  
Julian always made me feel better, the smile he gave me as I walked through the doors brightened my mood immensely. I held up the bags. "Sorry I'm late."  
  
"Not in the slightest, your timing's impeccable!" He smiled charmingly as he walked over. "I'm free to you for the next hour. You can have me however you like." He gave me his infamous eyebrow waggle, managing to steal a blush from me.  
  
"Hmm, I might have to change your meal then." I hid the bags behind my back. He bit his lip.  
  
"Tempting... but." He snuck an arm behind me, pulled me close... then snagged the bag from my hand. "I could never pass on a meal you prepared just for me." He grinned and turned to head to the breakroom. I couldn't help a laugh as I followed him.  
  
"Us, there's two in there." I said as I took a seat. He set the bag out and set the food on the table. I added some bread in the mix and he gave me a look of curiosity.  
  
"You visited the baker?" He asked, probably wondering if I went to the market even though I said I'd hang out home. I shook my head.  
  
"He made it for us, left on the doorstep." I smiled. Quick lie on my part. Damn it. Why do I keep lying to him? I just don't want him to worry... but it hurts every time. Should I tell him? It'll only upset him... I can deal with this on my own. God, now I'm starting to sound like him.  
  
"What a nice gesture, we'll have to thank him." He smiled. I swallowed and nodded, forcing a smile. Now I'm going to have to dig this one a little deeper. He found and pulled Asra’s letter out. "Oh right!"  
  
"I happened to remember it on the way out." I laughed. "Let’s open it, it says it’s from Nadia." I smile while he carefully opened it and read it aloud. A warm smile crossed his features. It was for Nadia and Pasha's engagement party. Julian looked as if he could cry on the spot, he was so happy for his little sister. The whole of Vesuvia was invited to the main palace party, then a dinner for close friends and family.  
  
"It's this weekend, a bit short notice… But we won’t miss it!" Julian was obviously excited.  
  
"Asra probably forgot to deliver it earlier." I joked; he cracked a smile.  
  
"Glad we still have those outfits Nadia's gotten us." He grinned, I nodded in agreement. We both began eating, talking about our days at work so far, sharing a few stories here and there. It was always nice to get this time with him; the shadow looming overhead wasn't as dark. Too soon it ended, he had emergency patients he had to get to, and I needed to get back to work anyway. A quick kiss goodbye and soon I was back reorganizing herbs in the shop. I kept my mind on the shop and party to come, surely everything would be alright. It had to be.  
  
-  
  
Two days later and thankful no notes or anything from Addan… But my dreams of him only got worse. I kept getting stuck with him, unable to escape, and seeing Julian's heart break in front of me. It was torture. Could they mean anything? No, of course not. I'd never submit to him, not ever again. I'd never hurt Julian either, never. I couldn't take my own advice about dreams right now, not with something so ridiculous.  
  
To make it all worse, Julian had gone to the market when I didn't know. He thanked the baker who had no idea why, he mentioned it to me once, but I dodged it. I know he knew I was hiding something, and it seemed so stupid to hide at this point but... I'll tell him when this is over. When I figure this out. I won't worry him about something like this.  
  
Right now, we have a party to get ready for, and our excitement overshadowed the slight tension that had been in the air. I got dressed up in an outfit Nadia had gotten me, something nice and appropriate. I stepped out to Julian who was already dressed. He raised an eyebrow and grinned.  
  
"Nadia knows just how to show you off." He said and cupped my face in his hands.  
  
"You get all day to appreciate it, before it returns to the closet for another year." I told him. Formal wasn't the most comfortable wear. "Maybe if you're good I'll let you take it off." I smirked, watching his ears turn pink. His grin stayed.  
  
"Ohoho, I’ll definitely try." He answered and swooped in for a kiss, which I happily returned. Tension from everything had been easing today and I loved that. My smile stopped the kiss, he pulled back. "What is it?" A blush coloured his cheeks.  
  
"I'm just happy." I answered. He smiled back in appreciation.  
  
"Me too." He said, a knock on the door came, I went to open it, a tad weary of the door ever since the pumpkin bread, but it was just a carriage driver from the palace.  
  
"Our ride is here!" I called to Julian to find him right behind me.  
  
"A little louder, dear, I didn't catch that." His shoulder shook as he laughed.  
  
"Guess you're staying home then." I answered and sat in the carriage. He chuckled and followed me in. We were soon on our way; I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad anxious.  
  
-  
  
We arrived soon enough and greeted the friends we haven't seen in a while. It was so exciting to see Pasha and Nadia again, they looked so beautiful. I gave Asra a hug when I saw him and he whispered that he wanted to talk to me, I grumbled, and he chuckled.

"Don't worry, I have good news. Guards have been informed of a certain someone who's not invited." He let me know while Julian talked with his sister. I was relieved and grateful.  
  
"They aren't doing very good, Julian and I made it in just fine." I grinned, couldn't resist the joke. He laughed.  
  
"You're right, I'll try harder next time." He smiled. We had an understanding though. I was much less tense.  
  
"Sometimes I'm shocked with myself. That really suits you." Nadia complimented the outfit she got me.  
  
"You spoil me, countess."  
  
"Nadia."  
  
"I know, I know, sorry Nadia."  
  
"Sooooo when's your engagement party?" Portia asked Julian and I with a cute grin, we simultaneously blushed wildly, glancing to each other and bashfully looked away.  
  
"I-ah.. um... when it happens?" Julian replied. No if's, I liked that, and it showed in my expression.  
  
"Yeah, when it happens." I smiled, taking his hand. Portia’s grin broadened.  
  
"I convinced them to open the bubble room." Asra smiled.  
  
"You're the greatest." I told him, to which Julian gave a mock hurt expression. "After my future fiance." I grinned and his blush ended his dramatics. I felt too much pride in that. I leaned over and whispered to him that Asra taught me a spell to fog the bubble so no one could see what's happening inside and he about melted at that. I chuckled and pulled away from him.  
  
"The party starts in an hour, I wanted you to get first picks at everything." Nadia smiled at us.  
  
"How did I get so lucky to have the best of friends?" I rhetorically asked with a laugh. This was too exciting.  
  
Portia smiled. "I think it's fate. Well come on! I know you're dying to see the snack table!" Portia laughed and grabbed Julian and I's hands. She wasn't wrong in the slightest, getting to the snack table first? This was going to be an amazing party. She brought us to it and it wasn't near disappointing. Julian and I glanced at each other with the same glint in our eyes before picking ones we knew the other would love and feeding them to each other. We both melted in delight.  
  
"Nadia, always the best." I complimented. She smiled proudly; an arm wrapped around Portia's waist. Julian smiled at how happy his sister looked.  
  
"Only the best." She replied.  
  
-  
  
Soon enough the party was in full bustle. Julian and I went around and enjoyed the many different parts of it. A few times I felt a strange tug, like a pull of magic at my hand. Julian noticed but I brushed it off as nothing wanting to just enjoy the party. It was lovely, I did not want to ruin it. As it grew later and darker, people began dancing.

“Shall we..?” Julian spoke up beside me, a smile appearing on his lips. I couldn’t help but smile in return. 

“Yes. We should. But first… I’m going to go get us some snacks.” I gave his shoulder a pat, “You go dance, I’ll be right there.” Julian smiled in agreement.

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you soon.” He kissed the top of my head and made his way to the dancefloor. I made my way to the tables lined with snacks, picking out a napkin to carry them.  
  
That was when I felt it strongest, the pull, like a magnet feeling as though it would drag my body accross the floor. I picked up a cookie, trying my best to ignore it. An arm reached over me finding a pastry, while another rested on my waist. It startled me, nearly making me come out of my skin. I wanted to jerk away, but the pull was strongest now. I felt right where I should be, it was almost relieving after fighting it all day. Yet. Posionous. As though my energy was being drained at the same time.  
  
"Quite the party, hm?" My eyes watched the cookie as traveled to the stranger`s lips. I knew those lips; practically feeling the memory of them. My gaze went to his face. Addan. How did he get in? He must have known my question.  
"They didn't let me in, I wonder why." His tone was smooth though accusatory, as if disappointed. "Can't you feel that I've been practicing magic? It's an easy trick to change your face, you know? I wanted to impress you, my love."  
  
That was it, the pull. It was coming from him like a wave of perfume, magnetizing, and I couldn't take myself out of it. I could break the Devil’s chains but not whatever was drawing me to him. I couldn't pinpoint the magic pulling me in, it was too distorted and strange. Like him. I struggled, but my face was smiling.  
  
"Addan, it's been so long, I think? I'm so happy you're here." I felt myself say those words but... they aren't what I wanted to say. Not in the slightest.  
  
"You think? It's been 6 years." He laughed. So, he’s handsome, a deep hearty laugh. I see what I saw in him at first glance, but I know how he really is. Vile. The memories flooded back with the touch. I knew him two years before I had died.  
  
"I lost my memory, a lot hasn't fit, but I remember you. I remember a lot of things, since I heard you speak at the market the other day." I answered.  
  
"You lost your memory?" He almost looked sympathetic; perhaps mocking. "But my voice brought you back to me?" He sounded pleased. I could at least glare through my smile. He laughed. "Don't fight it." He said and pulled his arm back to himself. Thank the Arcana. He leaned against the table and bit into his pastry.

I did fight it. I had to break free from this control. "Why? I don't want you." I managed to speak the truth.  
  
"I just wanted to talk to you, but I knew you'd run."  
  
"I wonder why." I replied with more sass than I thought I was capable of. I was forcing myself to fight the pull. As much as I could.  
  
"Listen. I made so many mistakes when we were younger..." He swallowed and almost looked remorseful... but he's had that look before. I couldn't trust it. "Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private? Just the two of us."  
  
"So she can miss any of my sister's engagement party? Absolutely not." I froze at the voice. Julian slid beside me, an arm draped over my shoulders. As much as I didn't want them to meet... a wave of relief washed over me. Julian made me feel safe. He must have noticed my discomfort by the tone he spoke to Addan in. He only smiled at him, though I could tell there was a warning in his expression.  
  
"With all due respect, it isn't your choice." Addan spoke, I could feel the tense atmosphere and his magic tugged harder, fighting me as much as I was fighting it.  
  
"It's alright Julian." I told him. No that’s not what I meant. "He just can't hear well out here, he's a good friend of mine. You've never met, I met him before you. This is Addan." Why was I lying? Why couldn't I stop? I knew my expression had calmed but I hadn't. I was stuck. It felt just like it did when I was with him back then, except something else was making me act in this way. Addan’s magic was forcing my words to fit his narrative. No, I have Julian now, and Asra wouldn't let this happen. How could I let them know? Julian wouldn't be able to recognize him but Asra could...  
  
"Sorry, I must have misread your expression, darling." Julian spoke, but I could feel the tension in the air.  
  
"And you are?" Addan inquired.  
  
"Doctor Julian Devorak." He held his hand out to shake. Addan took it. No, no, no. Don't shake this man's hand Julian. I wanted to scream. My voice was clawing at my throat, begging to be set free.  
  
"How do you know each other?" He questioned.  
  
"Oh? We met during the plague and once again on an incredible adventure. I'm so proud to call this lovely mine." Julian took my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I couldn't help a smile, the adoration in my eyes for him was apparent. If Addan was upset about it, he didn't show it.  
  
"Ah, congratulations." He told me; it wasn't genuine. Or was it?  
  
"Thank you." I replied. "But let’s catch up, do you mind, Julian?" I asked him. Please say you mind, take me away from him...  
  
"Of course not, enjoy your time, love." Julian answered. Damn it. Only time I'll ever curse his trust for me. "Although I look forward to dancing with you, so come back soon?" He gave a gentle smile. Me too, I wish I could now. I just smiled and nodded. I could feel rage beginning to flood my body. This game was growing old and only pissed me off more. He kissed my forehead and went off after someone had called for him. Addan smirked.  
  
"Well, come along then." He took my arm and I couldn't hide a flinch. "I won't hurt you..." He said, a sad look reflecting in his eyes.  
  
"Promise?" I asked, my voice cracking. I could feel the cold bolt of fear run through my veins. He nodded as we left the party, going into a quiet hall.  
  
"I didn't know... that you had a lover now." Addan spoke once we were alone. My heart hammered in my chest. I wanted to escape more than anything. I needed Julian. Asra, Nadia, anyone.  
  
"I do, and I love him more than the world, Addan. Why are you here?" I could at least speak more like myself now, but my tone was too soft for my liking.  
  
"I-I missed you. And I owe you so many apologies… I haven't hurt anyone since you, I'd... never even apologized for last time. I just left you. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I really do love you, maybe I didn't back then, not fully... but I promise you with everything I am... that I do now." He tried; it was hard to watch. I didn't harbour any love for him but... to say I didn't care. That... was hard to deny. No. He didn’t deserve me. I needed to keep my emotions under control. My mind clear.  
  
"Addan... I have a new life now. I've heard too many apologies to know if this one is-." As I spoke he cut me off with a kiss. Disgust and anger rolled through my body. And I hoped to god no one saw it.  
  
"It's true, that I can promise you." He looked so desperate, like this was all he lived for. "No one else has made me feel the way you did, the way you still do. I don't believe any will." He looked down and pulled back. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm sorry, it's just a promise." He was sullen.  
  
"Addan."  
  
"I'm, sorry. For everything I put you through." He lifted my sleeve and teared up at some recognizable scars. I had never once seen a tear form on his face... maybe he has changed now, but it doesn't change our past. Nor the use of his magic on me. "I am so sorry for every word, every mark I left on you... I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just want you to know that I mean it." He lifted my arm and kissed a scar. Eyes closed, tears falling from them. If this was a show, it was a damn good one.  
  
"You didn't have to put a spell on me for that." I managed out.  
  
"Would you have listened if I didn't?" He asked. I couldn't answer, because I don't believe I would have. I looked away and pulled my arm back.  
  
"It was so long ago, and I believe you when you say you haven’t hurt anyone else... I'm willing to forgive you. For that." I said. He was surprised at that, staring at me.  
  
"You mean it? Is the influence spell too strong? I lessened the strength of it so you could speak to me without filter..." So that's why I could speak more as myself.  
  
"I mean it. Not the spell." He looked relieved, happy, like this had been weighing on him.  
  
"Then please, please give me another chance."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"I won't-"  
  
"No. We were over years ago, times have changed. you're my past. I have a future."  
  
"And he's your future?" There was an attitude in his voice, as if he were getting angry. That scared me, a cold sweat beginning to form beneath my skin... but I needed to stand my ground.  
  
"Yes, he is." I said. Julian was my future, my love, my heart. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I fully intended to. I knew he did too. That angry glint in his eyes returned and I flinched when he moved. He swallowed seeing that but kept a firm expression.  
  
"Then we'll just have to chase him away." He stated.  
  
"Addan I don’t want-." I was cut off by myself. "This is exactly what I want." His influence was strong again. Damn him. Damn him to the devil's realm. My rage began to grow evermore. He smirked and took my hand, leading me back into the ballroom. My face betrayed me with a smile.  
  
Asra spotted me. "There you are! Ilya was... you." He glared at Addan, I've never seen such a hateful expression from him, not even towards Lucio. It even scared me.  
  
"Asra, it's okay. He's apologized."  
  
He held his glare. "He's apologized many times. Too many."  
  
"He means it this time." I said, he looked so worried, he should be. Internally I screamed for him to see through the charade. This wasn’t me. Not anymore. This was Addan. He called my name in concern, looking at our interlocked arms.  
  
"Ilya was looking for you, there are... rumors going around." He swallowed, I immediately panicked. Did someone see us in the hall?! "Are you... why are you touching him?" He didn't know how to ask, I wouldn't either. He knows I love Julian.  
  
"He wants another chance." I said and looked to Addan. "I want to give him one." I said. No, NO. I didn't want this, but my tongue said otherwise. I felt. Disgusted.  
  
"I must be the luckiest man alive." Addan said, then pulled my knuckles up to kiss them.  
  
"You're with Ilya. Julian. Don’t you remember?" He reminded me. I didn't need the reminder. He must have thought me a fool. “He loves you.”  
  
"I know... but if he can't accept my decision then does he really love me?" I said. "Oh, this song is my favourite! Let's dance." Addan’s puppeteer strings moved me with him, making me pull the bastard to the dance floor. Asra replied with something too quiet to hear but didn't follow us. Maybe he considered the fact he was using magic? But back then... Addan was so adamantly against it.  
  
I was pulled... or pulled Addan into a close dance. It was like my dream. No. A living nightmare. I couldn’t stop. We danced, people gathering around to watch us. Some who I had never met smiled at us, believing Addan`s illusion. My eyes quickly fell back on his. The dance lasted a few agonizing moments. A few moments long enough for whispers and crowding until the song ended. I averted my eyes from Addan. In time to see exactly what I feared. No. Julian pushed his way to the front of the crowd. I made eye contact with him, screaming out inside for help. The nightmare continued as the puppetmaster made me look to Addan before kissing him. I kissed him. Disappear. Disappear now. I couldn’t help when I was freed from the kiss to look at Julian.  
  
That look. The very same from my nightmare.  
  
Confusion. I could practically see heartbreak before he put on his tough facade. I pulled away from Addan but still held his hand as I looked at Julian. I wanted to scream, to run and tell him this wasn't me... instead I just gave him a slightly guilty 'caught' look. My heart sunk.  
  
Asra came up beside him. "Ilya..."  
  
"Did you know?" He asked him.  
  
"I don't think… This isn’t right. It’s not what you-"  
  
"So, you did..." He looked down, everything over the past week, every white lie I told was clicking in his head for all the wrong reasons. Misunderstanding details. It was crumbling down around me.  
  
"That's not-"  
  
"No, I don’t want an explanation from you." He scowled and watched as Addan and I walked closer. Each step we took was painful for him. I could see it, and it broke my heart. I hurt him, and now I couldn’t do anything to pull myself away and tell him it’s all a lie.  
  
"Julian, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, I can't help how I feel for him." I explained, this was too much. Don't believe me Julian, please, please don't misunderstand. The hurt in his eye was too much to bear. How he must feel…  
  
"No, but you can help your actions, and dishonesty." He swallowed and averted his gaze. "I-I.." He stumbled, he didn't know what else to say. He swallowed then simply turned and started with a fast-paced walk before running out. Humiliated. Heartbroken. I didn’t know where he was going, and I couldn’t follow him. It killed me. I hoped to every Major Arcana that he wouldn’t do anything stupid or hurt himself even more.  
  
Asra looked so disappointed. Rightfully so, I swallowed and looked at him guiltily. My unwilling performance was convincing. I just wanted him to see through it. A teary-eyed Portia came up to me. The look in her eyes of shock and fury, angry for her brother. She raised her hand to slap and I winced. It never came. She lowered her hand. Somehow it was a sharper sting than any slap could have been. I almost wished she had hit me. Maybe it would snap me out of this.  
  
"How could you do that to Ilya?!" She exclaimed. People were watching. Many were just as disappointed with the scene. Nadia came up before Mazelinka could do any damage with that wooden spoon of hers.  
  
"I think you two should leave." She said. "We can discuss this tomorrow." She pulled away a crying Portia. This was torture. Addan looked to me.  
  
"Well, I know when I've been uninvited."  
  
"Obviously not." Asra stated. "You're not leaving with her." His eyes narrowed.  
  
"I'm going to follow the Countess' order." Addan stated and looked to me, I nodded.  
  
"Asra, let me go. Trust me." I said. I understood his worry, I needed him to help me... but how could he when I’m going against myself. Damn it! What am I going to do?! Suffer under his influence forever?! He just swallowed and stepped aside. Letting us go. No no no don’t leave me alone with him again… please. I noticed a glint in his eye… he looked like he had a plan. That gave me a smidgen of hope. I held onto it as much as I could as we left the palace and started to the city.  
  
"Well, that was easier than I thought." He smiled; he was happy. We had just left the palace gates and he lifted a bit of his influence. He was the only one happy, this was less true than what we had before. Disgust and fury poured through my veins as I snapped.  
  
"Easier?!" I exclaimed. "How dare you! This isn't what you wanted Addan-"  
  
"I wanted you!" He looked shocked. What the hell did he expect?! My rage built in my chest, thrashing at the bonds of his magic.  
  
"You just wanted me? So, your talk of love wasn't true?"  
  
"Of course it was, my dear! Don’t you feel it too? Our love?”  
  
"No love! Not anymore! Even before... I don't think it was ever true. You just made me betray the one I do love. I'm worried sick about him!" I could feel the strain of a headache form as tears freely fell. "My friends all think I'm an idiot! Rightfully so!"  
  
"They'll understand, it's love..."  
  
"You're damn blind!" My voice broke into a scream of rage. He stared at me, stumbling back as though I had shoved him. He seemed to be thinking, processing. Processing what he had just done to me. He swallowed and let out a shaky breath.  
  
"I’ve... I've hurt you again..." He trailed.  
  
"Worse than you ever have." I glared. "You've also hurt the people I love. Which is much, much worse. You’re vile.” I could feel the shackles of his magic ebb away. At first he scowled.  
  
"You can’t speak to me that way.” He stated darkly, I saw his old self again and stepped back... but I was ready for anything if I could just go. He paused then seemed to struggle with himself. “I-...I'm sorry… Please-."  
  
"Addan!"  
  
"I'm-...!” He stopped himself and swallowed, eyes closed in deep thought. “No, words won't cut it this time." He opened his eyes. "The letter, with the bread, the ink was enchanted. My influence on you, I can release you... I can... I can let you go. I can but…" The idea of it seemed to startle him. He knew he would lose me if he did. And he was right about that.  
  
"If you let me go, I can forgive you for this... because I understand you feel strongly about me and what we used to be… but that’s over, it’s been over a long time. If you don't let me go... Just trust me when I say we will never be happy together. I’ll just be suffering in a new way. Release me." He was holding back tears, but knew I was right.  
  
"I just... my feelings were so strong I was sure this was the only way to have you, but it's not right like this. This isn’t how it was…" He let out a shaky breath and kissed my forehead. "Okay, I've let you go.. please don't, just please don't think of me as a monster anymore. I don't want you to-"

Once I knew I was free, I clenched my fist, bringing it hard and fast to his cheekbone. He deserved it for everything he had done tonight. Tonight and for the six years ago when he had hurt me. He fell backwards. Hard. Then I ran. I ran anywhere I thought I could find Julian, leaving Addan behind on the ground.  
  
I had to find Julian. Oh Julian what must be going through your head? I needed to make this right. Where could he have run off to? The Rowdy Raven? The Docks? Mazelinka's? I was going to try the Raven first but remembered I saw the barkeep at the party. It’d surely be closed. So, I checked Mazelinka’s quickly… he wasn’t there. In my panic I didn't think to use magic to find him. I tried to calm myself, attempting to reach out to him with my magic. Guide me to him.

It guided me... home. He was home? Thank the High Priestess I found him. I slowly opened the front door, quietly. I didn't want to alarm him. I winced as I opened the door. My hand hurt from punching Addan. Though it was worth it, I had broken skin. That didn’t matter now.  
  
A ball of anxiety formed in my chest and rose to my throat. I was so nervous; how do I approach this? Will he believe me? I stepped quietly into our room; finding Julian sitting off the edge of the bed. His shoulders shook and my heart sank. He was crying. He glanced up when he felt my presence.  
  
"Where's your boyfriend?" The question took me aback, it seemed so out of character hearing him talk to me with a tone like that. I swallowed nervously.  
  
"Right in front of me."  
  
"No, he's not." He stated. I swallowed back tears, shaking almost in anxiety and adreniline. He noticed that. He finally took his time to look up at me and take me in. How distraught I looked compared to earlier, it seemed to startle him. "I-I mean, unless it was just some sort of joke, did I mishear you? I know I wasn’t just seeing things... please tell me I-"  
  
"You didn't mishear, but-please, just let me explain."  
  
"Was I not good enough?" That hurt so much to hear.  
  
"Ilya!" I couldn't help but exclaim, I drew back quickly. "You’re more than enough. You're everything to me, my world-"  
  
"But you said- “  
  
"I was under a spell!" I exclaimed. "I-he, he put me under a spell of his influence... I couldn't fight it... I tried so hard to." The tears were falling free again. By instinct he reached out to me. "I didn't mean anything I did or said around him. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear, I’m so sorry!"  
  
"It's okay-" He started before I cut him off. Relief was visibly washing over him.  
  
"It's not! Because still..." I backed away, undeserving of his touch. "You were right, I can control my own dishonesty and I lied to you, I remember my nightmares. And he sent the pumpkin bread, with a note. I didn't want to worry you but... It was wrong to lie to you." I said, he looked so understanding. Too much so.  
  
"I see. I understand. It's alri-"  
  
"No! It's not, please don't brush it off, Julian." He reached up and ran a thumb over my wet cheek.  
  
"I-I... accept your apology." He carefully replied. I think he understood. "Who was-" He cut himself off with a realization, he looked to me in question and I nodded. His expression became one of worry and pain. "And I left you there with him?? What kind of man must I be?!" He pulled me close. I could hear the quiet sobs from him into my neck.  
  
"Julian, Julian you didn't know!" I felt his tears on my skin, they were cold but left a burning feeling. I was only thankful he believed me. He understood.  
  
"I should have, I should have had more trust in you. Did he... did he hurt you? O-or..." I pulled his head up to face me. I glanced at my knuckles, red and painful from the punch.  
  
"No, no. Not.. physically. I hurt him… Technically hurt myself in the process." I told him, showing my knuckles I knew would probably bruise. "You saw everything he did..." He looked at my red hand, lifting it up gently to examine.  
  
"Good… I’m sorry.” Why must he apologize? “I’ll bandage this for you." He lifted my hand to his face, placing a soft kiss over it.   
  
"You got hurt."

“We got hurt.” He corrected and his gaze fell to my lips. His fingers brushed over them gingerly.

I looked down in shame. "I'm sorry, the kiss, it meant nothing to me."  
  
"Yes it did..." He looked mad, but I knew he meant it hurt me too. "You must have been so scared…" I swallowed and didn't reply because... he was right. I was terrified, was I still shaking? "I didn't protect you, when you needed me."  
  
"There's no way you could have known."  
  
"If I listened to Asra I could have known something." He said. "I should have known something was-"  
  
"You were shocked, I didn't make it any easier for you or Asra."  
  
"I believed you then, and I trust you now." He told me, lifting a huge weight from my shoulders. "He won't ever touch you again, I promise. Or it’ll my my hands that bruise." He mumbled that last part but I still caught it, feeling a small smile come to my lips at his protectiveness. I hugged him close.  
  
"Please, please don't ever believe I'd love anyone else like I love you..." I whispered to him, pouring my heart out on every word. "I even told him, you are my world, my future. I can promise you that." I told him, his eyes seemed to sparkle at my words.  
  
"For a bit, I thought I'd lost you. Oh, what would I do without you?"  
  
"Same as me, or worse, probably." I tried to chuckle but it only sort of came out. He laid soft kisses up to my temple, letting his lips linger there.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too, Ilya… I'm so sorry this happened, if I hadn’t stayed with him so long before maybe he wouldn’t have bothered..." I trailed, he shushed me and pulled back to look at me.  
  
"You really mean it, when you say I'm your future?" He asked me.  
  
"Yes." I answered, he bashfully looked away then back to me. A blush crept up to his ears.  
  
"So he’s just your past… And, I mean it too, when I say I want a future with you, a long one... And this may be a totally inappropriate time to ask, but you know how bad I am with timing and... I'd really love it if you maybe, ah, agreed to..." His voice crumbled to a mumble; I couldn't understand a word he was saying.  
  
"Julian... speak clearly."  
  
"I want to marry you." He sputtered out. "I mean, that is, if you'd like that as well..." His blush only darkened, and eyes scanned my face along with everything else in the room. They settled back on my eyes, awaiting a response. I was a bit shocked, that was not something I thought he’d say. Not now... but I guess the events of today made us realize how much we need each other, want each other. I couldn't help but laugh at the unexpected proposal.  
  
"Ilya! I want to marry you too." I smiled, everything tonight melted away into pure happiness. This is all that mattered. He wanted to marry me, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. The smile that grew on his face told me he felt what I did.

“I have a ring, I’ve..” He pulled it out of a pocket on his person. “Just been waiting for the right time, but I realize I shouldn’t wait any longer.” He said, then slipped it on my finger. Tears of a different kind were forming.

“Julian...”  
  
"Maybe we should get back to the party, we should explain what happened, after I wrap up your hand.” He said.  
  
"It's alright..." I said but knew he would anyway. He didn't even reply since he knew I knew. He got up to grab a little first aid kit we had. He checked my hand out then gingerly cleaned and wrapped it up.

"Thank you." I thanked him, he just smiled at me, and before he could respond, I couldn't help myself... I leaned forward and kissed him. He reciprocated immediately. We couldn’t help savoring each other for a few moments.  
  
I had to pull away too soon, we had a dinner to get to after all. "Continue later?" I asked breathlessly.  
  
"Oh yes." He answered. I laughed.  
  
"I'm... so happy."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Let's go! It's already dinner time." I smiled, he nodded in agreement. We cleaned up, then started to the front door. Right before we reached it, there was a knock. We glanced curiously to each other before I opened the door. The first face we saw was Addan's, already starting to bruise from the punch. Julian moved protectively in front of me.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He sneered.  
  
"I have something I'd like to say to you."  
  
"I have nothing to say to you." He replied, I'd never seen him look so disgusted, not even toward’s Lucio’s actor in that play.  
  
"Please, I won't be more than five minutes. I'll leave you alone after that." He tried.  
  
"That's too long."  
  
"One?"  
  
"No." He answered. Then we both noticed Asra behind him.  
  
"I found him outside the palace gates sulking. Anyway, I think you should listen." He said, Julian looked back at me with worry and askance. I nodded. He looked to Addan and stepped outside with them rather than allowing him in the shop. I stepped beside Julian and looked to my ex 'lover'. Without the influence, my subconscious fear of him made my heart race again. I stepped a bit behind Julian, he took my good hand and squeezed it, his gaze was so soft when he looked at me. The second it turned back to Addan, it darkened. I could practically feel the amount of self-restraint he was using.  
  
"Hello, Julian, good to meet you again."  
  
"I can't say the same." He replied coldly. Addan looked away and sighed.  
  
"I've made many mistakes, and tonight I made another one." He looked to me, "I realized I didn't just owe you an apology. I owe you one as well." He looked back to Julian. "I was overcome by my feelings... surely you must know. Falling in love with them is something completely different. I thought I'd do anything to have them back... but you," He looked back to me. "That sparkle in your eye, I don't think it was ever there with me. I'm terribly jealous and... hurt. Really. I thought I'd be able to have you back..."  
  
"After what you've done?!" Julian snapped before I could speak. I didn’t mind his protectiveness in the slightest… But this was something I needed to finish.  
  
"Julian." I stepped forward to Addan, the shake in my hand was stilled by a squeeze from Julian. I stood straight and looked Addan in the eye...  
  
"I forgive you. If you never do what you've done to me to anyone else. Addan, be better, maybe you'll be rewarded with real love one day." I told him, I almost hoped for him, I didn't want him to hurt anyone else and... If he changed and was a better man, he could make someone very happy. I stepped back next to Julian. He had a look of wonder and something else on his face before looking back to Addan.  
  
"My dearest truly has the strongest heart." He kissed my knuckles. "But I'm not as forgiving, I won't ever forgive you for the things you've done to them." He told him, to which Addan nodded. I didn't expect him to, if he were in my shoes, Addan probably wouldn't live to see another day. I know Julian is holding back so much for my sake. I love that about him.  
  
"I wouldn't expect, nor want it from you." He nodded. Addan understood, he probably knew he wouldn't receive it... but came to apologize anyway.  
  
"I don’t plan on ever giving up my betrothed, not for a moment again. You are very lucky these two are here to stop me. I'd be a guilty man otherwise." Julian replied.  
  
"Julian!"  
  
"I didn't see or hear anything." Asra chimed in.  
  
"Asra!"  
  
"It's alright... they're protecting you. Something I could never do." He looked pained to say it. "I'm going to be leaving Vesuvia, indefinitely." He added.  
  
"That's what I thought you were doing last time." Asra stated.  
  
"This time I mean it. I know I'm unwelcome."  
  
"Took you long enough to figure that out." Asra replied, he grit his teeth.  
  
"Glad to know you're still insufferable, Asra."  
  
"Only to the likes of you. Hm, nice face." He noticed the forming bruise on Addan’s face as well as my bandaged hand. Addan about huffed in amusement. He was smiling, after everything.  
  
"Goodbye, Addan."  
  
"Goodbye." He replied, then disappeared down the streets. I never saw him again, I barely got curious over him, sometimes I wondered if he'd ever found someone. I didn't focus too much on it, just passing thoughts. My life with Julian is full of love and happiness, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  
  
We returned to the palace and explained everything. Apparently Addan used a blood spell, Asra pulled that out of him. Which made sense on why I couldn’t fight it, that’s strong magic. A sigh of relief swept over the party. And with the nightmare over, the night could go on. We all laughed and enjoyed dinner. At the very end, Julian and I broke the news of our engagement. Everyone was happy for us, and most importantly...

We were happy.


End file.
